Her..

FAMILY

Family their interesting things really. It the ones closest to you that can bring the most happiness and also the most pain.

I've always been the one that came up second best, despite the fact I may have been the first one out the womb.

Mum tells me this story time and time again, she's always described me as independent from a young a age, the story goes....I fell and hurt myself somehow and instead of persisting to be coddled and hugged, I insisted on going to a corner facing the wall before coming back, having soothed myself.

To be honest that kind of feels about right, as to how I've spent the last 20 years of my life. I've never felt like I had that safety net within my family...I knew my mom had postpartum with me, Dad has always spoken about how hard it was at the time, but looking back I begin to see the effects it has had on me.

If I were to give you a contrast...my entire childhood, my mother has held my brother's hand through thick and thin, whether it be a cut, cold or even a normal day, she is one step behind him. Now I am certainly not insisting that is something I desire, just a huge contrast in the way the both if us were raised despite the fact we have the very same parents.

However the desire to keep her distance from me as a baby, seems to be the general census for how it has been ever since. To be honest I'm not complaining given the fact she is a pathological manipulator and a liar. I have reached a point where dealing with the constant hypocrisy is far more damaging than it is worth it.

Her delusions so strong, she will yell the house down, easily tearing paint off walls - with complete and utter silence from the recipient and yet call that the delusion. Because there could not clearly be a more matter of fact way to solve a problem.

When she has an issue with me these days, she has realised that her words do nothing so instead she uses cynical tactics to turn others against me in her latest deem to cause pain.

It just something I do not want any part of! A few months ago I cut someone similar out of my life for the better and the more and more I see it...my mother is as similar to her as water is to ice.