It's funny when you really want something, you don't see all the reasons you shouldn't have it. I didn't see the fact the minute he would walk into a room, he was all I could think about, yet there were times, we wouldn't talk for hours because to him I really wasn't that significant. A group of us could hang out and the idea of coming wasn't an option, but to hang out with anyone else was a no brainer. All the signs were clearly there and I saw them, I did, I just thought we were different, it felt like we were different but it wasn't, we never were.
It may very well have been for the very best, but the greener grass on the other side never bloomed. I don't know anymore if it is the reason we never were, or the fact there has never been anything or anyone else.
It's the fact, I have never been significant to anyone else. There is only so many times in life you can be shut down and then continue to get back up. It's the little things, recommending a movie or a book you love to someone else and no one caring enough to go out of their way to actually watch or read what you recommend. Someone who wants to know and understand why you love something so much and want to be apart of it. To understand an intrinsic part that makes you, you. Maybe the problem is, I want to do that for someone else, who will willingly do it for me too.
Maybe its the fact that I thought my life in this very moment in time would be different to its current trajectory. The one thing I do know, is I am not where I want to be, nor am I heading in the right the direction. The big problem being - I don't know what that destination is or how to even get there.
Lost. Standing at a crossroad where every direction looks like the wrong one, waiting for the path to clear, yet it hasn't and I don't know if it will anymore.
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