Feelings...they suck!! There is "the cruelest kind, the one that almost kills its victim, unrequited love" if you couldn't tell from the title, yes this is movie themed (The Holiday).
I actually just watched this movie for the first time, yes I know I'm a little late on that band wagon. And I've come to the realisation, I've fallen for my Jasper Bloom. He's the guy that has kept me hanging for the past 2 years, I always told myself stop your just reading too much into it, you know the way he is with girls your not going to be one of them, yet still becoming better and closer friends. Meanwhile this entire time there is that tiny glimmer of hope (hope sucks) that twinkling star that says things with you are different, your not one of the many, your that exception whom he actually means it to.
My reality however has well and truly set in! and No I did not put myself out there and make some declaration where he shut me down. He still does not even know how I felt, but he never did anything about it, if it was going to happen, it would have by now and as time passes soo does he.
Looking back however, I now cannot believe what he put me through....for 6 months we messaged every single day, we would see each other every week and just the two of us for hours after. Conversation weren't just fleeting, somehow it got very personal, which you don't just tell one of the guys or a friend! The entire time throughout our friendship, I was always cautious (because I knew I had feelings for him & didn't want to put myself in an unfavourable position, where we were super close and I just pining) soo I didn't reply, I literally ignored the guy, yet he kept coming back! (which I believe is why he did, he's the guy that likes the chase and plays the game).
I could literally sit here and tell you the things he said or things he did. But it's truly pointless, 1. because I wish to forget them and
2. because they never amounted to anything, so their insurmountably insignificant.
But I think the long winded sentence, to the point I was trying to make maybe two paragraphs ago was Yes he led me on, Yes he knew at one point I may have had feelings for him, did he change his actions NO. Despite, I hate to say - he is hot and charming but he is also very insecure. Being liked, looked at, the way I probably looked at him were all draw ons for him, whether he knew it or not, he got satisfaction from our friendship which only caused me, I'm going to say pain - in the metaphorical sense.
The times I wished I didn't feel the way I did, the times I wished things would change or he would be out of my life giving me a chance of moving on. Meanwhile throughout that time we were still us, I wish I could say I'd stop going back, but yes every time my phone chimed there was that flutter inside - is it him?
Things are different now, that step back that I wanted, I finally have - we are no longer in each others immediate lives and things faded! Hence my sudden sense of perspective, without his constant persistence and reassurance; I now see more clearly my ignorance (it's inevitable, when you like someone you forsake the bad and only see the good).
Of course there is the part of me that wishes we were still talking, Yes when my phone chimes I still hope for it to be him, Yes he crosses my mind more times than I would like to admit, however with time this will pass. With time it goes away (that is what I'm telling myself, soo please stick with me on that one).
Soo this is my final scene - the moment Iris finally says NO to Jasper Bloom! I am saying No, I am picking my sanity. I now see the position I was in, I now see the way he treated my for what it was, as much as it hurts I know its over, which is a triumph in itself.
Sticking with the movie theme I'll leave you with this -
'Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, this third act twist: the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay from the ones who will leave. And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. Maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this: Knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through all the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never, ever, gave up hope.'
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