Once and For All

Some of us are really just living. We ain't dating, we ain't being a hoe, we don't like nobody, nobody likes us. We are just working, eating, sleeping and living life.

Single, that's the only life I have ever know and I have resented it for a very long time.

I remember in high school thinking about the girls that had boyfriends and you'd overlook with slight envy....six more years later and not a lot much more has changed.

I always use to say to myself it's because your still young, you have plenty of time and yes you could say I still am.....but it's different not one guy has ever shown genuine interest, soo you begin to understand that the happy ever after you crave, may just not be apart of your story-line.

Its a thought that has plagued me on many a long nights, but truth is there are indeed people that end up alone and there are people who never meet anyone. And I have come to understand that that, may very well be my reality. It plagues me a little to admit but it's the truth and anyone that tells me otherwise cannot deny it's plausibility.

I would be lying if I said this wasn't one of the hardest things I have ever written because this is legitimately one of my biggest fears and something I have thought about for years but never actually put to paper!

I write this as I have a couple cats sitting at my feet, soo bring on the crazy cat lady as I come to terms with my inanimate future. I do feel a little better having written this down....I still have a little way to go till I have completely accepted it.

A few weeks ago, I went to the beach and just sat there with a book, it was the first time I did something that was just entirely for me. I thought I would go and do something relaxing and it felt good to do something I wanted. It was liberating to know there are little joys I can experience on my own, I have a long way to go but I finally felt relieved to say it and one step closer to relishing in what very well may be my reality.